Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
