Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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