she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
