That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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