He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Randomize
