she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
