Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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