Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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