He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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