Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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