Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(574): View more from Indiana

Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.

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(847): View more from Illinois

she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom

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(905): View more from Ontario

She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up

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(312): View more from Illinois

If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.

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(828): View more from North Carolina

then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge

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(515): View more from Iowa

I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.

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(228): View more from Mississippi

He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..

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(661): View more from California

You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick

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