My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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