am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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