I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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