legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
We had sex on a dog bed..
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Randomize