my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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