i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
