god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
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