...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Randomize
