So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
