I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
