My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
