Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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