Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Randomize
