She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
