Banned from zoo.
Again?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
