she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
is wine microwaveable?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
