I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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