My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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