When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Randomize
