My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
