I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize