I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
