Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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