Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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