Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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