Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
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