we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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