Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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