ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
