There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
