I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
How does it feel to date your dad?
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