The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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