I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Randomize