its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
