I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
