so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
