this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
