Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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