My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I'm bleeding and have questions
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
