let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
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