I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
