Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
NoShamevember. You game?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
