When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
