thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
