No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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