I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
