yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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