Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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