Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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