Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
