you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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