I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
