Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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