Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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