So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
