I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
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