i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
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