You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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