not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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