I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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