Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Even my vagina gasped.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
