Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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