Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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