She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
