My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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