3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
