that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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