well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
