Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
