please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
